Weariness

 Yesterday I was commenting to someone in passing that although it was terrible that we might be standing on the brink of a world war at least we weren't talking about Covid any more.  I was half joking, but it has been remarkable how something which was the sole focus of most of our lives for two years has suddenly been totally eclipsed by what's going on in Ukraine.   Similarly, think back to pre-Covid and how Brexit was the only topic of news and conversation for months on end.  One bad news story knocks the next off the top spot of gloom. It seems we are lurching from one crisis to the next and it's all a bit depressing.  

This time a year ago I was five days into a prayer vigil for a 23yr old young man on a life support machine. I don't think I've ever prayed like I prayed that week. Or warred in worship or fellowshipped with strangers or had so much faith for a miracle.  The pain of his family and the utter hopelessness of the situation was utterly grim.  And yet in the middle of grief and shock and despair there was a love and a peace which could not be explained.   This week feels a little bit like that.  Despite the horror we see unfolding in Ukraine we are also witnessing an outpouring of kindness, sacrifice, generosity and love unlike anything the world has seen in a very long time.  In the face of darkness light shines bright.  In the face of despair the hope of others builds a fortress in which the broken find refuge.  Petty differences and disagreements are set aside in the light of threat to life and limb.  The world wakes up to what really matters.  And what really matters is peace and love and justice.

But it is all very exhausting isnt it?  It's exhausting feeling constantly under this cloud of gloom.  Brexit was exasperating and difficult, Covid was isolating and scary and now we are all so helpless in the face of millions of refugees and displaced people.  Its exhausting caring.  Well, I feel exhausted anyway.  My compassion tanks are pretty much empty.   My head is done with thinking about it all.  Stop the world, I want to get off!  ( And then I feel bad for even thinking like that cos let's face it, what have I got to complain about compared with vast swathes of the world?)   And so I look to Jesus to see what He has to say to me about my current state of mind.  And I am prompted to re-visit John 16 where I see Jesus explaining to His disciples what is about to happen to Him as He heads to Jerusalem and to the cross.  He knows His disciples world is about to fall apart.  He knows there is going to be devastating grief and persecution and dispersal and separation.  And He says this ....

In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.  No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. (v26,27)

Jesus tells them ( and me) that His death and resurrection has changed everything.  I no longer need an intermediary to petition God, but neither do I need an intermediary to receive His love.  I can come directly into the presence of love, through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  For the disciples this was such a massively radical and mind-blowing thought.  It changed everything  And the result was what Jesus said next

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (v33)

Knowing that God Himself loves us brings us peace.  We can not only bring our requests to Him but can know and experience His passionate love for us -   how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph 3 18-19)

On a day when I am feeling weighed down by the troubles of the world, weary of caring and lacking in hope or courage or motivation to keep shining, I need to come to my Father, crawl up on His knee, sit underneath His protective and loving hand and receive His love.  I need to hear His whisper, feel His heartbeat and know His approval.  This will bring me peace.